When things end ….

I am terrible at endings. I hate endings. They disturb me. I know some people couldn't wait for summer to be over and for the kids to go back to school. Not me. I do not transition well. I remember when I realized that I did not need to go down the diaper aisle at the grocery store anymore. After six kids, you would think this would qualify for a hallelujah shout and dance. Not me, I cried. I mean, I sobbed. This phase of my life had ended.

My family knows I am bad at endings. At family parties I don’t want the tables taken down because that means for sure the party is over. When we all went camping and it was time to pack up (which would mean it was over) I began saying, ”I love this. I don’t want it end. I don’t want it to be over.”  Chris’ wife, Lila, compassionately put her arm around me and said, “I know mom ... you hate it when things end ... however, you are getting better at it!” Her observation made me laugh but I am not sure that I am getting better at it.

I love living in the moment. I am twirling, I am soaking it in, I am loving it, and then … what, it’s over. When a lovely moment ends, it feels like when the waitress takes your plate and you weren’t done eating. No, no, no, I am not done yet.

The problem is things have to end for others to start. I know this. I am just delayed in this area. The two-year–old that doesn’t want a good time to end never grew up in me.

And now the worst … my precious, lovely daughter Nicole, my last one at home, has left. I am happy for her to head out on her own adventurous life. However, I do not like endings and after four decades of mothering – it’s over. Just like that.

A few years ago, I had four of my kids get married and move out within a year and a half. I found comfort in knowing I still had some left at home. However, it is real, that season of my life has ended. Now I take comfort in the fact that I will always be their mom, and I will always be there for them.

I am gonna wrap up in my Comfort Silkie Throw and have a good cry. Comfort Silkie can soothe anything, even endings.

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