The Comfort Nest Blog
Mother's Day Sadness
Everybody is so funny now. All over the web is hilarious stuff about moms and motherhood.
I want to be funny too, but this came out of my heart to you.
It is real and I wanted to talk about it … Mother’s Day is complicated.
Mother’s Day can have a lot of baggage.
It is ok to look at life as it really is – being real.
Re•al: not imagined, actually existing or occurring
Because if we look at our lives as they really are, we can make change. We can make a new real.
Yes, moms do have super powers. The power to make changes in our own lives every day. Grab your cape and get real with your life. Good days are ahead.
For those of you who have perfect lives, have lots of money, and have never experienced loss or disappointment – we hate you (not really, but kinda). Go have a perfect Mother’s Day.
For the rest for us who have to deal with real, read on.
Mother’s Day brings with it the realities of:
Yes, this is real. Every mother experiences it. We do amazing things all year long and this is our day. Somewhere tucked away in our hearts, (even if we won’t admit it, because then we would be disappointed) is the thought that we will be celebrated. That little thread of narcissism plays in our head ideas of the perfect ways we might be loved and appreciated. In reality, the men in our lives and the little people have no idea what would make us feel special. We want them to just know. But they don’t.
Change the real: Use your words. Tell them what would make you feel special. Write your words, because sometimes men and children don’t listen or understand your words. If you have brilliant, sensitive husbands and children then ignore this. The rest of you, make a list of moms "favorites" and "wishes". Don’t put on your own Mother’s Day celebration but let them know you and what would make you feel special.
Yes, this is real. If you have experienced the loss of a child or your mother, this day is tinged with grief.
No matter how much you have healed or moved on, loss leaves its mark. The happy moments of Mother’s Day can be edged with sadness.
Change the real: Well, you can’t change this reality. But you can change today. Sometimes we just have to acknowledge the loss, go there, do some grieving and then ask our brain to give you a rest. The brain’s job is to maintain homeostasis (preserve a steady and secure state of being) in your body and brain. In grieving, the brain revisits the trauma loss you experienced and tries to fix it or make sense of it. It goes over and over it, trying to deal with it and process it. Mother’s Day triggers that keep reprocessing and can take away any joy you can experience. I know I don’t understand your personal grief, but I do want to give you permission to be comfort strong. Let your brain download, write down, free flow, your thoughts and emotions. Own them, look at them, decide how you want them to define you. Ask your brain for a break from processing and go do something kind for yourself. Let Mother’s Day be part of your healing.
Yes, this is real. Ok, can I just say it, bad mothers suck. They can ruin your Mother’s Day. Even the memory of a bad mother and her impact on your life can over shadow you. If you have had an awful childhood and a bad mother, it can make enjoying life a lot of work.
Change the real: Don’t live in your past. Easy to say, hard to do. Get your cape for this. You can be a great mom even if you have not had a good example. Just do all things opposite. You will see some patterns from your bad mom crop up in your life. It’s your darn brain again, it stores everything. Don’t obsess about seeing a bad mom thing show up, just acknowledge it, and change it. How do you want to be different than your bad mom? You get to define your life. You get to be the mom you wish you had.
Yes, this is real. If you are celebrating Mother’s Day, you are probably a mother or have a mother. Children do not always turn out as we dreamed. This is children of all ages. This may be us, as we are someone’s child. People are messy, complicated, changing, horrible and good beings. Sometimes it seems impossible to celebrate Mother’s Day because you have either been a bad child or your children are bad seeds (that we would like to blame on hubby:).
Change the real:
If you have been a bad child, it is never too late to apologize. Again, get
your cape, as super powers are needed. You may not get a good response. Yes, probably
because you were terrible and they can’t forgive you. That’s ok, just do your
part. Write a please forgive me letter right away. No excuses. Mom up.
If you have terrible children, and you were a good child and a good mom, I am empathetic for you. This is not fair. This is sad. Keep praying and believing for them, forever. Mother’s Day may be hard for you. Look for little ways to change the real throughout the year. Keep a notebook to help your brain sort and solve. Go to a movie, eat something good, and get comfort - curl up in your Comfort Silkie Adult Security Blanket.
Happy Mother’s Day – every day.
Be the best you. Use your words. Look for goodness. Be Comfort Strong.
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